Gum On The Seat

The Great Defector

2009-09-18T10:04:00.002-04:00

Blogging ebbs, blogging flows. Mostly ebbing lately.

Because I've been busy. Mucho time spent helping Chris Isaak and David Byrne file stolen identity complaints.

I don't know enough to argue

2009-08-24T16:12:00.002-04:00

Really interesting essay with one dude's take on the future of the entertainment industry.

Good Times

2009-08-13T11:47:00.003-04:00

Here's a first-hand, inside, way too accurate look into the current "profession" of screenwriting. For the complete picture, crawl through the comments, as well. Especially CP's.

Check out the post from The Artful Writer.

It was the music

2009-08-07T09:50:00.007-04:00

Everyone alive in 1985 knows that John Hughes shaped the middle part of the decade for a lot of people.

But it was his spot-on knack for new music -- alternative or college radio that was only available via MTV's 120 Minutes -- that was the foundation of it all.

Pretty in Pink used this (so did Ferris, I think).

Sixteen Candles benefited immensely from this.

This defined Ferris.

Even Planes Trains and Automobiles pulled great music out of it's ass. Remember Book Of Love?

This single handedly saved She's Having A Baby.

Pretty in Pink may have set the gold standard.

And the obvious anthem.

New Rancid

2009-08-01T08:44:00.001-04:00

Picks right up where Indestructible left off. Which is a very good thing.

2009-07-27T11:19:00.003-04:00

Nice to know I wasn't being paranoid simply because I was certain Dick Cheney had designs on martial law.

Also, Mr. Greenwald gets points for consistency:

"All of this underscores why it is so important to vigorously oppose the efforts of the Obama administration (a) to continue many of the radical Bush/Cheney Terrorism programs and even to implement new ones (preventive detention, military commissions, extreme secrecy policies, warrantless surveillance, denial of habeas corpus) and (b) to endorse the core Orwellian premise that enables all of that (i.e., the "battlefield" is anywhere and everywhere; the battle against Terrorism is a "War" like the Civil War or World War II and justifies the same powers)."

Cabin Fever

2009-07-24T09:54:00.000-04:00

Apparently this is what happens when you spend an entire winter in Minnesota.

Strictly Game

2009-06-29T15:11:00.004-04:00

I've got Harlem Shakes in heavy rotation. Make a little money, take a lot of shit, feel real bad, and get over it. Sounds like a plan.

Effin' Beautiful

2009-06-16T10:29:00.006-04:00

Recent Nikki Finke post confirms what every middling screenwriter already new.

"It's crazy how shitty the spec market has been this year, especially given what a debacle 2007 and 2008 were," a source tells me.

But as one who's developed a spec script with some producers who are prepping to take it to the studios in the very near future, there are some words you don't like to read. Words like "piss-poor" and "2009" and "development".

And you really don't like to read them in this order:

"The rest of the 2009 studio development business is in piss-poor shape."

Read her full post here.

Sounds about right

2009-06-12T18:15:00.002-04:00

For those of you wondering how movies take that straight, obstacle free road from idea to completed project, this seems pretty much spot on.

Back To Work

2009-06-10T20:55:00.002-04:00

Only took 17 months of WGA strike, SAG uncertainty, economic meltdown, and an actual SAG strike authorization vote.

The Artful Writer sums it up best.

Let's Run It By Marketing

2009-05-19T11:13:00.003-04:00

Been thinking about an element from a John August post a couple months ago. I didn't say I'd been thinking quickly.

His post is a recap of a WGA panel discussion, in which one of the panelists weighed in on how amazingly important the title of a script is.

"If you can pitch and understand it as a title, it’s gigantic. If you can sell it with a logline, great. If you need a paragraph, you’re in trouble."

Can you understand the movie as a title? Can I get my chickpea sized brain around the story simply by seeing the poster? Do I get it?

Which got me thinking about movies that have -- based on that criteria -- nailed their titles.

Knocked Up. I get it. I know what it's about. Someone got pregnant. And it's funny.
40-Year-Old Virgin. Dude's forty. And he's a virgin.
Wedding Crashers. Dudes go to weddings. And they weren't invited. I need to see that.
Lassie Come Home. Lassie's not home. We want her home. Heartstrings. Tugged.

By contrast, there are titles that require me to sit through an entire movie just to decide if I want to see the movie. Like I have time for that.

A Bridge Too Far. Then start with something closer. Duh.
From Here To Eternity. And divide by zero. Is this a trick question?
Dr. Zhivago. Dude could be a dermatologist. I don't get it.
Casablanca. Casa-what?

Bonus points if you can do it in one word.
Big
Titanic
Jaws
Speed

Points deducted if it takes you a complete sentence.

Honey, I Shrunk The Kids
So I Married An Ax Murderer
Dude, Where's My Car?
I Know What You Did Last Summer.

Which leads to the best titles of all time (that I came up with in 45 seconds).

Ghostbusters
Star Wars
Back To The Future
Planet Of The Apes. It's a planet. Of apes.

Soundtrack to the Summer

2009-05-14T17:49:00.003-04:00

The early leader for Soundtrack to the Summer honors is going to Fanfarlo.

Sort of a less spastic Clap Your Hands Say Yeah meets David Byrne (which sort of goes without saying since Clap spliced some of David's DNA) meets Arcade Fire.

Say Hi...

2009-05-06T10:21:00.002-04:00

Similar to my Parts & Labor scribblings, I found three or four of my own jottings mentioning the band/dude Say Hi...

Start with Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh and Elouise (play button in bottom right).

Coming Soon...

2009-04-19T10:16:00.004-04:00

The clock starts now. Which story gets set up as a pitch first?

"We go all Benjamin Button on this shit. CG Sandler's face to a baby. Forget the metaphorical man/child -- we've got the real thing!"

OR

"It's Shia leading a Sneakers meets War Games Revenge of the Nerds thing."

Actually, maybe I should take a look at that second one.

Apply Gun To Foot

2009-04-13T10:06:00.003-04:00

I would actually be inclined to like their late eighties Smiths meets John Hughes meets Aztec Camera teen drama pop. Except they went and gave themselves the douchiest band name ever.

College Prep

2009-04-05T17:28:00.003-04:00

Missouri mother disappointed to learn that kids these days are both pussies and narcs.

Oh, great

2009-03-27T09:04:00.001-04:00

Now I have to gouge out my mind's eye.

Even More Last

2009-03-25T22:57:00.007-04:00

So the Farrelley Brothers have set up their long developed Three Stooges movie at MGM. And the last three people -- the very last people -- you expect to be playing Mo, Larry, and Curly are...?

No, seriously, not those last three. The really really really last three.

Titus Andronicus

2009-03-19T16:00:00.000-04:00

I'm assuming the sweat sprayed on the first couple rows tastes like bourbon.

Multiple Entries

2009-03-13T17:16:00.003-04:00

So when I'm sitting at the computer doing my "work", I'm usually streaming something and jotting down bands I want to learn more about. And I looked at my scribble page today and saw Parts & Labor written down about six different times.

Check out Nowhere Nigh.

And So The End Is Near

2009-03-08T18:53:00.003-04:00

I've been hearing the rumors for some time, but now it seems to be a done deal. Movies, as we've come to know them, will no longer exist.

For years there have been rumblings. Some wrote it off as local lore, or the ramblings of a lunatic. But it appears the legend of the last idea on earth is true. The one remaining idea left in all of humanity has been found, and purchased. By Fox. The end.

Even Newer M. Ward. Yea.

2009-03-02T18:00:00.001-05:00

I like a site with an obvious big honking pink play button.

New Andrew Bird. Yea.

2009-02-24T17:26:00.001-05:00

Rules are meant to be broken. Musically, one of my guiding principles has always been a simple one: No whistling (I'm looking at you, Andy Griffith).

Okay, one exception.

yeah, sure, right, of course

2009-02-22T19:54:00.007-05:00

Remember when I mentioned that the spec script market in Hollywood has essentially evaporated in the last year due to all the uncertainty between the Writers Guild strike (which settled almost a year ago) and the Screen Actors Guild contract lapse, which is still unsettled after eight months.

And I said what we really need is for SAG to get their act together and either accept a contract they don't like or go out with a strike authorization vote to their membership (or any vote to their membership, actually). Well, since then, SAG has...

Staged an internal coup, tossing out their leadership and negotiating committee.

Enjoyed an attempted injunction filed by the old leadership against the new leadership.

Watched the judge throw that out.

Just so the new leadership could do almost exactly what the old leadership was going to do, short of actually sending anything to their membership for a vote.

If anyone needs my head it will be in the oven.

the obligatory oscar post

2009-02-21T17:24:00.003-05:00

Dave's picks.

Best Supporting Actress: who cares

Best Supporting Actor: dust mites on mars know Ledger wins

Best Actress: who cares

Best Actor: the only one I care about. Sean Penn. Mickey Rourke was great, at being Mickey Rourke. Aronofsky made an fantastic movie, and Rourke benefited from Aronofsky letting him simply live in that meat sack of a face and body he's accumulated. But the movie is a Johnny Cash song because of Aronofsky (and the thoroughly underappreciated set designers and costumers -- flashy sets get the love, but man those guys created a world.)

Adapted Screenplay: personally, I'd go Frost/Nixon.

Original Screenplay: Wall-E. Although, I haven't seen Frozen River and do want to.

Best Director: Darren Aronofsky. What? Not nominated. Oh. Who cares.

Best Picture: Eh. Whatever. Frost/Nixon, Slumdog, Milk. All really good. But stellar?

Singing Your Own Name

2009-02-19T22:49:00.002-05:00

Meta awesome. Peter Gabriel covering Vampire Weekend.

look, kids, god's country

2009-02-11T10:14:00.000-05:00

February in Michigan. It's okay to be jealous.

Battle Lost

2009-02-09T17:38:00.002-05:00

Matt and Kim's Good Ol Fashion Nightmare has officially taken possession of the space between my ear holes. At this point, I'm just hoping to get custody back for the weekends.

Matt and Kim

2009-02-04T22:34:00.001-05:00

The d.j. in my head has Matt and Kim in heavy rotation. I suspect payola.

Summertime Clothes

2009-01-28T09:37:00.003-05:00

Heard this new Animal Collective song a week ago and it's been running in a continuous loop in my brain ever since. Continuous. Endless. Song ends, song starts again. Repeat.

And I still like it.

a poignant rememberance

2009-01-24T18:49:00.000-05:00

I'm a little slow with my year in review, but that's because I was having trouble even thinking about that year. The one between 2007 and 2009. The one I won't speak to directly. The one I will only address in the third person even when it's in the room.

But I'm past that now. I've come to terms with that year. Part of the healing process was starting to refer to that year by my own little pet name for it. Fucktard. Cute little fucktard.

From here on out it will go something like this: Michael Phelps won who-knows-how-many gold medals in the fucktard summer Olympics. Or, remember when Tina Fey took over the world, oh yeah, that was back in fucktard.

If it hadn't been for the Obama election I would have enlisted an extension cord to make sure the toaster reached the bath tub.

BUT, one awesome thing about fucktard was that, musically, I was in sixth grade again. Nothing but singles. I'm not sure I bought a CD.

So, in no particular order, the 12 best singles of fucktard.

Sigur Ros - Inni Mer Syngur Vitleysingur

Tokyo Police Club - Your English Is Good Yeah

Passion Pit - Sleepy Head

Air France - Collapsing At Your Door

Hold Steady - Sequestered In Memphis

MGMT - Time To Pretend

Pela - Lonesome Hearts (the Cassettes Won't Listen Remix)

Frightened Rabbit - Head Rolls Off

The Soft Pack (formerly The Muslims) - Bright Side

Delta Spirit - Motivation

Air France - No Excuses

Born Ruffians - Hummingbird

I told you

2009-01-22T14:18:00.000-05:00

Nice to see that even the heavy hitters aren't immune. John August talking about the current demise of his version of Shazam!

"I got notes from New Line and the producers — mostly about set pieces, and keeping Black Adam from becoming too sympathetic — but before I could get started, the WGA went on strike. I couldn’t write, nor did I talk to anyone involved for 100 days."

Set pieces. Heh heh.

Sucks

2009-01-17T14:05:00.004-05:00

So I was listening to Indie 103 the other day (online, for what that's worth), when out of the corner of my ear I hear somebody saying something about who'd have thought they'd have such a great five year run and somebody else was tossing out general good-byes and then... that was it. Just like that.

Maybe that's what happens when Rolling Stone calls you the best radio station in the country.

Yes, they're still "broadcasting" online, and some of the dj's will continue hosting the specialty shows on their own dime (for at least the time being). But still. Shit's not right.

The Second Oldest Profession Is Making Shit Up

2009-01-12T20:56:00.006-05:00

Some people have noted that there used to be more screenwriting talk here. That's because there used to be more screenwriting. Or at least more screenwriting business.

Or at least more screenwriting business done by those who aren't in the upper echelon of professional screenwriters. And by that I mean the very small percentage of writers who are hired to revise the relatively small pool of scripts at the top of the studio development pyramid.

If you're not one of those folks, the last year has been an unwelcome vacation. That's because, since the fall of '07, studios have been smacked around by the Buster Douglas of uncertainty. It started in November of 2007 with the writers guild strike, followed in the spring/summer of 2008 by a potential actors strike, upstaged in September of '08 by a national economic meltdown, and capped off in the fall of the year by the return of the actors' strike.

Which means Hollywood took the year off from the spec market -- the flabby middle section of the studio film development torso.

In terms of developing spec scripts, the studios literally sat on their hands, the fence, and their wallets. Okay, clearly not literally, but you don't want to break stride when a barrage of "sitting" metaphors comes your way.

But, hopefully, after nearly 15 months, Hollywood is close to getting it's streetwalking ass back out to the curb. Because, yes, sugar, I need a date.

Right about now -- to which I am openly contemplating sacrificing something virginal or delicious -- SAG leadership is coming to terms with the fact that there are just too many variables working against them to take AMPTP to the mat this time around.

As a WGA member, I've gone from being firmly behind SAG leadership, to watching AFTRA eviscerate them, to realizing the timing is just plain against them taking a crack at what they're after.

You can get a more specific overview here.

But my feeling is that at this point, they're going to have to take the deal they've been offered, spend the next three years solidifying all the creative unions under one banner for the next round of negotiations, and call it a day. Or, rather, more than 180 days since biz could have gotten back to normal.

Did I mention I need a date.

It's Too Easy To Mock...

2009-01-08T10:40:00.000-05:00

But what if -- just imagine it -- what if everyone did this.

Everyone but me of course, because, I mean, Angle Grinder Man is taken. I told you it was too easy to mock.

Asleep At The Switch

2009-01-02T18:12:00.003-05:00

So I'm late to the game. Somehow The Touch Alliance managed to dodge my radar for at least a couple years. Not sure how they managed that when they're like a speedball of Bubble Yum and Pop Rocks.

Followed by a line of pure, uncut Pixy Stix (straw conveniently included). You know, as an eye opener.

Then, just to take the edge off, there's the Gummi Bear suppository. Don't ask. But hear more here.

And, yes, I was alerted to the fact that The Tough Alliance was recently seen sharing a booth at the Racine Comfort Inn with ...

AAAAND it's less than blue book

2008-12-21T10:00:00.002-05:00

The best version of truth in advertising.

I'll Stay Forever

2008-12-15T21:12:00.004-05:00

While I can see these guys being a bunch of douche nozzles tipping 8% in an IHOP, the song is indisputably way cooler than me.

Stay Away From The Foos

2008-12-14T10:22:00.006-05:00

Still in the lounge at the Racine Comfort Inn, while Longwave read their press clippings comparing them to a cross between Radiohead and The Strokes...

They happen to see the four dudes at the foosball table and reconsider the skinny pants.

Taking a Leak

2008-12-02T19:45:00.007-05:00

In back of the Racine Comfort Inn. Earning their bar band cred, The Whore Moans take a drunken leak on the dumpster.

Obeying standard urination protocol, they keep their eyes leveled straight ahead...

Until they realize the wrecked old fucker next to them is pissing directly on their leg.

And laughing about it.

C'est Beau

2008-11-27T10:35:00.001-05:00

More socialist rooftop music from Air France.

air france - no excuses songs
Download free music | Download free mp3

Into The Dish Room

2008-11-16T19:22:00.007-05:00

And back at the Racine Comfort Inn lounge, Dawn Of The Dead push back from their table...

And stroll -- all bass lines and synthesizer -- into the steam of the dish room to bum a smoke from ...

And a light from...

What A New Day Looks Like

2008-11-12T10:05:00.000-05:00

I know this isn't politically correct, but I think the visual disparity is both historic and poignant.

Wow. Jawlines.

Holy, Er, Loveliness

2008-11-10T10:22:00.004-05:00

I know all the words to Holy Fuck's "Lovely Allen" and, no, I don't know why the first twenty seconds are blank.

Goddamn Right

2008-11-05T08:58:00.000-05:00

Three years ago I would have given you even money that Cheney would find a way to impose martial law and November 4, 2008 wouldn't happen.

So, given that...

A Nice Piece of Set

2008-11-02T09:37:00.003-05:00

Back to the screenwriting stuff. Remember that? More precisely, back to set pieces. Remember those? And I apologize in advance, because apparently most people have an inherent understanding of set pieces, where as I think (now at least) the term is often misused.

So, I want to refine what I talked about before. In short, I said there are organic set pieces which serve the characters and the story, and there are moronic ones which are simply noise and commotion intended to be trailer moments.

But now my feeling is this: I was accepting a flawed definition of "set piece". Even more, I think it's an undernourished definition that a lot of people accept without really thinking about it.

Here's why (at least for comedies and character driven pieces): While most set pieces do make for trailer moments, trailer moments are by no means set pieces. It's not a tidy, reciprocal exchange. My mistake was looking at all the bright, shiny, noisy, orchestrated moments in trailers and assuming they were set pieces simply because... they were in trailers.

Because for comedies and character driven pieces, the set piece is something an actor is going to pull off, rather than the CGI designer or the stunt team.

And the reason I think the distinction is important is because -- while I'm never going to tell a studio exec they're mistakenly conflating the two -- it's probably valuable to keep an awareness of the dynamic in my back pocket.

So, let's tear it all down and go back to the origination of the term. Originally, a "set piece" was a physical component of a play that was so crucial to the story that it was/is articulated in the initial description of the set. All other props can be mentioned as they occur in the play, but set pieces were/are the critical pieces that a set designer and reader need to know about up front.

I'm not saying that's how the term is used in screenplays, but it's useful to understand how the original term applies to screenplays: When done right, set pieces are moments crucial to the telling of the story. Whether they are moments that change a character's worldview, or moments that change the course of the story, or moments that surprise the characters, they are the moments the actor is going to pull off.

And to take it a step further, I'd say they are the moments you are writing towards. The moments that -- when you first sit down to tackle a screenplay -- they're the ones you can't wait to get to, because all of what goes before or comes after hangs on these set pieces.

Identify those moments (character transition, change of worldview, audience reveal, etc.), buff them out so you aren't underselling them, and you'll have memorable (and legitimate) character based set pieces.

Even Better Than Ezra

2008-10-30T12:49:00.002-04:00

Ezra Furman and The Harpoons. You'll have to hit play after the advert (I know, what is this, 2006?)

Coolest New Song Ever

2008-10-23T10:29:00.002-04:00

Okay, so Kate Bush was piloting a day-glo sleigh full of munchkins over the happiest rainbow ever. No, really.

Passion Pit's Sleepyhead.

And the live version sounds shockingly good, too.

From The Bottom Of The Glass

2008-10-15T22:38:00.005-04:00

Back to the lounge at the Racine Comfort Inn, where indie bands stare into their Maker's Mark and catch the irrefutable reflection of their own DNA.

Such as it is for Northern Portrait...

...as the whiskey beads away from the ice in their glass and the letters begin to appear... T... R... A...

Back To Racine

2008-10-14T20:08:00.007-04:00

Into the lounge, past the dark corner, over to the happy hour buffet at the Comfort Inn.

As The Shout Out Louds reach for the last fried mozzarella stick...

(no it's not a real video, shut up and listen)

... A familiar pale hand appears, scooping up the deep fried synthetic log.

Public Service Announcement

2008-10-11T07:43:00.000-04:00

Do not date this man. Three and half years later he'll still think you're just trying to make him jealous.

Another Tearful Reunion

2008-10-05T12:58:00.005-04:00

And in another corner of the lounge in the Racine Comfort Inn, Gaslight Anthem's celebratory toasts are interrupted...

... by the gaunt stranger at the bar.

Domestic Affairs

2008-10-03T09:41:00.004-04:00

Good to see we've got the illegal immigration problem on the run.

"The drop reflects the weakness of the economy, particularly the sectors that employ undocumented workers like construction," said Harley Shaiken, a professor at UC Berkeley specializing in labor issues, said there are a number of powerful forces reducing the numbers of undocumented immigrants. "People are less likely to risk everything to get here if they can't get a job."

Because, you know, how many squatters do you see in burning buildings.

Tearful Reunion

2008-09-28T13:49:00.006-04:00

It will probably happen in the lounge of the Racine Comfort Inn. The Rumble Strips, on their first American tour, will walk in. And there, in a dark corner of the bar, the band will see them. And they'll know instantly. No words will be necessary.

The Rumble Strips...

The Rumble Strips - Girls and Boys in Love

,,, meet your father.

Haircut 100-Love Plus One
by adiis

To Do List

2008-09-28T10:05:00.000-04:00

When I am an 84-year-old Buddhist nun I hope I, too, am writing young adult novels on a cell phone.

Pipes

2008-09-26T16:03:00.003-04:00

These aren't new, but it never hurts to be reminded that Regina Spektor got second and third helpings of cosmic pixie mojo sprinkled all over her. And the first two were directed by Marc Webb, who's got his own sort of genius working, too.

Bound Stems

2008-09-25T09:43:00.000-04:00

The unholy love child of Modest Mouse and Mates of State. I think I mean that in a good way.

Step 1) fill caulk gun with adrenaline

2008-09-21T13:50:00.005-04:00

Step 2) squeeze

The Muslims, Bright Side.

Only A Matter Of Time

2008-09-14T13:00:00.002-04:00

From the It's Not A Matter Of If But When department -- in what product's advertisement will you soon be hearing this song by Human Highway? Smart money is on Volkswagen.

Still Catching Up

2008-09-11T08:53:00.000-04:00

French Kicks.

No, it's not nearly new. Yes, I'm finally getting around to KEXP podcasts from months ago. No, I can't find an official video for it. Yes, it's worth your time.

Stream it, bitch. Or my mom can stream it here (she gets her own non-bitch link; everyone else is on the honor system to use the bitch link). There's no separate but equal where mom is concerned.

Thanks for waiting

2008-09-09T20:38:00.002-04:00

Apparently I've been busy. So, in short order, I know I'm behind the curve here, but still...

Born Ruffians. Hummingbird was the song that initially made my earholes happy.

But I also dig the sound of their myspace offerings.

In Case Of Emergency...

2008-08-13T09:23:00.000-04:00

... or general doldrums, break glass and play Lonesome Hearts, Cassettes Won't Listen's remix of Pela's Lost To The Lonesome. Man, that was a lot of words when all you had to do was click here.

WCWJTWSAHAWAS

2008-08-12T10:20:00.000-04:00

For those of you playing along at home, that's Which Cheek Would Jesus Turn While Stabbing A Hell's Angel With A Screwdriver?

No, better

2008-08-10T10:11:00.000-04:00

Dreamy techno pop from Air France. Once you get past the mildly redundant opening minute, the rest makes me want to get my Miss Thang on. If you need me, I can be found sashaying with reckless abandon at the 3:15 mark.

I'm not crying

2008-08-08T13:04:00.000-04:00

My eyes are just leaking. Don't look at me.

Spirit Bunnies

2008-08-05T10:49:00.000-04:00

Delta Spirit seem to have this whole music biz thing figured out.

Hallelujah The Hills

2008-07-29T11:13:00.000-04:00

Worth checking out the first song here -- Wave Backwards to Massachusetts.

But Wait There's More

2008-07-22T14:42:00.000-04:00

More from Frightened Rabbit (your new favorite unwashed Scottsmen).

Paste Eatin' Good

2008-07-21T14:33:00.000-04:00

Loving me some Frightened Rabbit.

From The Great Lakes State

2008-07-13T20:30:00.001-04:00

As one who spent the summers of his formative years in Michigan, I can attest that Kid's vid comes pretty close to capturing the summers here. Although, and I hate to quibble, I seem to remember more pole dancing.

Then again, I guess it wouldn't be fair to expect Kid Rock's teenage years to hold up to mine.

Frank Hamilton

2008-07-03T11:55:00.001-04:00

Earhole endorsed.

Pencils Down

2008-06-28T10:00:00.000-04:00

You can all stop now. We now know why the internet was invented. For this. You will never do any better, so we can all back to playing with rocks.

Your English Is Good

2008-06-25T16:31:00.000-04:00

Tokyo Police Club. Yes, thank you.

Too Much Noise

2008-06-20T21:06:00.000-04:00

I believe this is an example of waaaaaaaay too many words finding their way into a conversation.

Here's what this is not about:

It's not whether it was an "X" or a Cross that he burned into his students' arms.

It's not about whether he was a science teacher who didn't believe in carbon dating.

It's not whether some students thought he was a "great guy".

It's not about his friend saying, "With the exception of the cross-burning episode. ... I believe John Freshwater is teaching the values of the parents in the Mount Vernon school district."

It's not that his last name is Freshwater. Really? Freshwater?

It's not that this took place in Ohio. Florida occasionally loses the coin toss.

Here's what this is about:

He branded children.

Next.

By the way, I think it's safe to hang it up when your defense begins, "with the exception of the cross-burning episode..."

You Wouldn't Like Her When She's Angry

2008-06-17T12:26:00.000-04:00

The wisest course of action has always always always been not to piss off the XX chromosome. Here's the story...

"A gang of teenage girls may have blown up a house with a home-made liquid bomb, which killed a man in a neighbouring property, after arguing with another girl about a love rival. Purple liquid was poured through the letterbox of the Victorian house before the an explosion destroyed three houses."

If this argument were between a couple of guys, they'd still be doing the "you want a piece of me" suburban square dance.

But these girls go online, find out how to make some extremely unstable, extremely purple explosive and...

That's messed up.

What did you do, Ray?

2008-06-12T09:41:00.000-04:00

don't think of the seats don't think of the seats don't think of the seats don't think of the seats don't think of the seats don't think of the seats don't think of the seats don't think of the seats don't think of the seats don't think of the seats don't think of the seats don't think of the seats don't think of the seats don't think of the seats don't think of the seats don't think of the seats don't think of the seats don't think of the seats don't think of the seats don't think of the seats....... EHHHHHH!

Closure

2008-06-09T09:19:00.000-04:00

If you've been following current events, you know that as a country we have been pitted against each other on a number of topics. But none like this.

Finally, finally, finally, people, we can put this decisive issue behind us. I can not tell you how thankful I am to have this decided once and for all.

Ahhh, Kids

2008-06-06T08:23:00.001-04:00

According to those who track this sort of thing, teenagers today are having less sex and doing fewer drugs. There was no data on rock and roll usage.

Yes, I know statistics can be massaged to say whatever those wielding the statistics want them to say. But, looking closely at this study, I'm afraid there's only one way to interpret it -- these kids need a mentor.

Rather than a Big Brother program, think of it more like a Cool Albeit Somewhat Wayward Uncle Program (CASWUP). Feel free to turn your baseball cap sideways and say it with me, "CASWUP!"

So, as the inaugural gesture of CASWUP, I think a quick vocabulary lesson is required. Kids, your first assignment is to learn this word. There will be a test. Tough love.

I Salute You

2008-06-02T16:21:00.000-04:00

You, crazy orange dudes, are my heroes. If I were in your sandals, partying like it was 1999 BC, and a giant mechanical steel-plated pterodactyl flew overhead, I would be soiling myself in a corner of the hut.

But you grab a bow and arrow. Awesome.

Now You've Gone Too Far

2008-05-25T13:03:00.000-04:00

Apparently there is a movement (pun initially unintended but now arguably intended simply by inclusion) in San Francisco to rename Oceanside Wastewater Treatment Facility to the “George W. Bush Sewage Plant.”

Come on, San Francisco, you've definitely crossed the line. What did that poor sewage plant ever do to you?

Running Unopposed

2008-05-15T14:49:00.000-04:00

A 13-year-old boy in Texas snagged his dad's credit card and went on a $30,000 spending spree that ended with him and his friends playing Xbox with hookers in a hotel. When busted he told police that his father wouldn't mind, since it was his birthday last week and his dad had forgotten to get him a present. The father, a lawyer, said he had been too busy, but would take him on a surprise trip to Disneyland instead.

Let's see...

Misappropriation of funds -- check
Fraud -- check
Great excuse -- check
Keeping Your Homies Hooked Up -- check
Hookers -- check
Going To Disneyland -- check
Future Governor -- check

The Rock Island Line

2008-05-12T10:22:00.000-04:00

Please tell me that at least somebody here was drunk.

Rock Island, Tennesee (AP) - Sometimes, you just know it’s going to be a bad day. Just ask Justin Hill, a 42-year-old Tennessee man.

One minute he’s turning in to his driveway - then he’s on his way to hospital, watching his home go up in flames. Then he got a traffic ticket. Tennessee police say Hill got into a crash after turning into the path of an oncoming car Tuesday evening.

Hill’s wife heard the crash and ran outside, leaving her cooking on the kitchen stove. Within minutes, their trailer was on fire, and firefighters who had responded to the accident found themselves fighting the blaze. The rural central Tennessee home has extensive damage.

Hill was treated at the hospital and released, but he was cited in the accident for failure to yield.

in the belly

2008-05-06T12:04:00.000-04:00

Still under the gun on two scripts. In the meantime, the 5 Years Time Sampler from Noah and the Whales makes me smile.

Space Hardware

2008-04-29T16:04:00.000-04:00

New Billy Bragg is out (the first in six years). And since his myspace page seems to have been hijacked by a mariachi band, here's a little of Billy solidifying his continued relevance with the buttonishly cute Kate Nash.

Genius

2008-04-23T18:06:00.000-04:00

Looks like one take using nothing but the acoustics of the surrounding buildings. In France. I may have to bum a clove cigarette.

But At Least We're Enjoying The Ride

2008-04-21T13:57:00.000-04:00

So there are carnivorous fish with bad attitudes that can live on land for days.

And the flowers are losing their smells.

I'm paying $3.50 a gallon for gas while Exxon Mobil posted the highest quarterly AND annual profits for ANY U.S. COMPANY EVER.

But at least REM are back. I mean really, really back.

The Apocalypse Is Now

2008-04-19T11:16:00.000-04:00

I think the four horsemen are strolling down my street. According to the article, this is a charming new kids book...

"From 'My Beautiful Mommy:' A girl accompanies mom on a cosmetic surgery consultation. Mom explains she'll soon be 'prettier,' and shows where the bandages will be, and the finished product."

Can you say "aug-men-tation". I knew you could.

The Romantic In Me

2008-04-16T09:39:00.000-04:00

And in other news:

"Bernie Peng reprogrammed his girlfriend's copy of Bejeweled so that the screen went clear and a ring a dropped down when she reached a certain score.

To the joy of nerds everywhere, Tammy Li said yes.

Mr Peng, a financial software programmer and blogger from New Jersey, said that it took him a month to alter the game's code on the Nintendo DS console, but that it was well worth the effort."

Personally, I am stunned and blown away. This guy knows a girl.

Mark Dery

2008-04-14T18:25:00.000-04:00

I had to read it twice, but it explains why it always strikes me that the most vocal Evangelical Christians have failed to run the WWJD variable through their logarithm.

"Conservative Christianity has little to do with theology and everything to do with the culture wars; making sense of it requires not just a rationalist-materialist critique but an ethnographic/anthropological angle of attack.)"

I think I have a little blog crush on Shovelware. Come on, he called Ann Coulter an intellectual ectomorph.

Thanks to boingboing for introducing him to me.

Big Ups

2008-04-12T15:20:00.000-04:00

Hearty congrats to the tragically handsome Matt Tobey, the new editor of Comedy Centrals blog, The Insider.

Cut Copy

2008-04-08T18:14:00.000-04:00

Feeling nostalgic for a little OMD circa every John Hughes movie? Then Feel The Love with Cut Copy.

Now where did I put that pink izod and my yellow sweater?

Why Stuff Takes So Long

2008-04-06T21:13:00.000-04:00

So, there's the big romantic comedy script that I'm working on with the cool producers. But we still haven't nailed down the ending.

And there's the book proposal that I thought we were about to take out, but now the lit agent in NY wants to rethink the title. And she might want my wife to come on board as a co-author. Because the nature of the book might be better served if we don't just walk in, unfurl the XY, and slap it on the table.

And there's the family comedy script with the important actor/comedian attached, but the producers want more set pieces.

And then there's the older script that just go resurrected, and the web strip, and the best lunch on the planet.

This is why stuff takes sooooo long.

Pela

2008-04-02T12:09:00.000-04:00

Liking mucho. Especially Trouble With River Cities and Lost To The Lonesome.

The Hold Steady

2008-03-24T23:57:00.000-04:00

Make me ashamed that I'm not willing to embrace the hangover and bum smokes and wake up bruised. They make my pussihood all too apparent. How did I get like this?

Lyric of the day, from Stuck Between Stations: She was a really cool kisser and she wasn't all that strict of a Christian.

Would You Like That To Go?

2008-03-24T15:10:00.000-04:00

From the Hollywood to English Dictionary:

Take Out, v. To introduce a pitch or spec script to potential buyers (aka The Town).

In the real world "take out" is used in reference to Chinese food. And garbage.

In the not real world you "take out" the pitch or script with the goal of it being "picked up". Which, yeah, sounds pretty much like the garbage analogy. Just without the curb.

Forget I said anything.

Lykke Li

2008-03-21T17:26:00.000-04:00

Please note that I'm avoiding the whole me likee Lykke thing. Except I do. And I didn't.

I'm confused

2008-03-18T20:36:00.000-04:00

I don't get it. What's this Obama guy talking about?

Oh, wait.

Is this what intellectual honesty sounds like? Is this what conversing like grownups sounds like? Is this what a necessary political speech without patronization sounds like? Is this what addressing unpleasant realities and owning them sounds like?

Is that what telling the truth sounds like?

I could get used to this.

More Lingo

2008-03-14T19:01:00.000-04:00

From the Hollywood to English dictionary:

The Town, n. 1. Los Angeles. 2. Except not all of Los Angeles. 3. Really just the film and television business. 4. Which thinks its all of Los Angeles.

People who work in the industry like to refer to the industry as The Town. Which, I guess means The Town refers to the town as The Town.

The Town is a collective. The Town speaks with one voice. Right now, I'm being told that The Town hasn't indicated whether it's business as usual yet following the writers' strike. The Town is waiting to see how the actors' contract shakes out. The Town can be coy.

The Town is also emotional. During the writers strike, the town was clinically depressed. The town didn't shower for a month. The town subsisted on Cherry Garcia and Cheetos and a tivoed Dog Whisperer marathon.

One day The Town decided that all meetings would come with the option of cold or room temperature water. Except the town didn't actually offer room temperature water -- the Town asked if "you wanted it room?" Because the town doesn't have time for superfluous four syllable words like "temperature".

Just like when you phone someone and they're not in (i.e. not in for you), the Town asks if the person you're calling can "return". The town is much too busy for the words "your call". The Town is an ergonomic ballet with no wasted movement.

"Hi, Dave Wells calling for The Town."
"She's in a meeting. Can she return?"

My feeling is - of course - she can return. She has every right to return. Why couldn't she return?

Unless The Town has banished her from the town.

New Notwist

2008-03-11T15:42:00.000-04:00

But not until June in the states. For now, old is still good.

And the jellyfish.